In this world of posting our private lives via blogs, and reality shows that show the worst things in life, like addiction issues, prostitution, police reality shows.. we CAN see things in others lives' that we would have seen 20 years ago.
I am very opinionated.. however, because I KNOW it, I can refrain from hurting people with it, because before the comment can leave my mouth, I already have thoughts of "Wow, that was mean" and "I don't know the whole story" chasing those opinions into a more manageable process. However, I think very few people are learning to introspect their OWN behavior to that extent, and I won't lie, I personally believe that if more people DID do it, this world would be an amazingly different place.
I got a real check again on that one by watching the new TLC show "Hoarders-Buried Alive". Now, will I watch the whole season? No, because it's really hard on me to see people so devestated, and so hurting, and not be able to help.. and I think it's because of that, that I am blogging this morning..
Someone I love very, very much, is a hoarder. And it's really hard to see the damage it does to that person's life, and social life, and relationships. So, I admit, going INTO watching this, I have a different perspective than may people, so, it is.. what it is.
I have to say though, I wanted to punch this one woman on the tv episode, the very first one, in the MOUTH! A gentleman, named Chris, is a hoarder. Now.. when the show started, his girlfriend of over a year, referred to him as " a beautiful person" who would do anything for her.. her name is Annie. Now.. as the show progressed, this man, who'd not let ANYONE into his home in two years, allowed this woman into his home. He opened his heart, and put EVERYTHING out there for her... and she was incredibly CRUEL.
I was HORRIFIED. I hope to God that she sees herself on the show, and realizes how cruel, little, and just BITCHY, she sounds. Is it easy to live with someone who hoards? No. It is HARDER THAN HELL. BUT... it's a mental illness. This woman, walked into his home.. and started "Oh my god, Chris. Chris, I can't believe this! Chris, this is CRAZY! Only CRAZY people live like this, Chris!" Now.. not only were her words the cruelest POSSIBLE words she could have used, the repeated use of his name? It tells me he DEFINETELY dodged a HUGE bullet with that one. That she could be so cruel, so judgemental, and so nasty.. and still have said "I love him"???? Seriously? If that is love, I don't want to see what she considers hate. This man put every vulnerability he had out for her to see, and she absolutely STOMPED them, and him, into the ground. Luckily for HIM, she broke up with him. My heart broke for him. It's hard to deal with, but if someone loves you, they LOVE you. They don't say things designed to harm you, or make you feel less than you should... that told me that SHE had a huge problem too. So, in case Chris should ever see these words, I want him to know, I give him TOTAL credit for being so brave, so open, and loving HER enough, to be fair to her, to share with her, and trust her... even though she did NOT deserve it.
Annie, if YOU ever read this.. I want you to know.. I pray for you tonight. That you can find love and caring and COMPASSION in yourself. Because without it, you do more damage in this life than good.. and who wants to leave that legacy?
For ANYONE reading this.. remember, life is not fair. Just because you see some aspect does NOT mean you understand, or have the right to judge. You don't know what horrid things happened to someone that they have so little ability to leave themselves vulnerable.. THAT is what causes hoarding. Not lazyiness, not greed, not apathy... it's fear, compulsion, and because it's just now becoming a studied problem, these people have NEVER had support. They need to hear "I love you, and I will love you as I help you get through this." They do NOT need to hear that you have so little self-respect that you need to tear them apart to appease the nasty little person living in your soul.... Annie's a great example of what NOT to be. And remember.. karma works... passing so heavy judgment on people has a scary way of finding it's way back to you, and you find yourself in a place you condemned.. remember that. It's MUCH easier to lift others up, than to put them down.. because when you put them up there, and you help them... they in turn lift YOU when you need it, and I PROMISE.. We ALL need it sometimes..
Chris, I hope you can find your way to a place of confidence, acceptance, and a woman who TRULY loves you for the special person you are. Annie, I hope karma is not as cruel in your lessons as she could be.. but I'll trust HER judgment, because she is the ONLY one who has that right..
**For those who may wonder.. I am pagan, and I believe that there are many deities out there.. for me, Karma is one, and since she can be a bitch.. she's a total SHE. Sorry if anyone takes offense, but hey, that's what they gave the internet back buttons for.
Sleep well, love hard, life fully, and judge not..
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Note to the blind parents out there....
To the blind parents of the world:
I'm going to start with those parents that insist on "Positive Parenting".
You know, I was young when this "trend" hit. I was not however, young enough to be a victim of it, and frankly, I am soooooo grateful for that.
For the past 20 years now, I've watched the world around me grow up. I've also watched my 3 sons grow up as well. I've been vilified for being "overprotective", "out of touch", "permissive", "strict", and a host of other terms. However, the one thing my kids have consistently known is that I AM strict. And I will also whoop their asses if they get out of line.
I was told by an MP in Germany, when I spanked my 2 yr old son, that I was not allowed to do that on the military post. I looked him in the face and said, "I'll tell ya what. I can do this to him now, or you can have him in your lockup in 10 years. Which will it be?" That MP knew what cops and such know all over the world. Parents who do NOT discipline their children, are raising the next generation of cons. Did I insult you? If so, you probably need to read this more than anyone else, and probably won't get a damn thing from it. You've already probably spent your parenting time living in a place called DENIAL.
My mom may have whooped my ass, but let me tell you, I'm far better off mentally, emotionally and most importantly, in terms of accepting responsibility
for my own actions, than those children of PP's.
You Seriously think that raising children without "negatives" helps them??? Are you high or just stupid? Have YOU ever met a boss who said, "You know what, Marcy, it's okay that you dumped that million dollar client.. I know you are trying really hard!" If so, I can promise, he won't be in business long.
Let's look at REALITY.
I grew up in a rough place. Gangs, drugs, all of it, surrounded me. As bad as we were, and yes, I was bad, NONE of us would have EVER done what was just done to a young man in Florida. 4 15 year olds, and one 13 yr old, set another 15 yr old on FIRE over a video game. If you have the stomach to just READ THE STORY, here it is: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091015/ap_on_re_us/us_teen_set_on_fire
My bet? You won't have the stomach for it, but I have NO sympathy, THAT young man has to LIVE it!
Were the parents of those little monsters PP's??? Probably not. That's where another catagory of blind parents comes into this.
The ones who 1.) don't care what their kids are doing, 2.) would rather be friends with their kids than parent them, and 3.) those friggin morons that love the phrase, "Not MY child!" If that word has come out of your mouth, I'm going to bet there is an almost 100% chance that you are a flaming, fuckin, idiot. Simple as that.
If you are one of the parents that fall into that catagory, do us ALL a favor. GET FIXED! Your BRATS are a danger to society. Guess who is responsible??? YOU.
Read that article above, you'll find an idiot alright. His name is Dennis Bent, father of Matthew Bent. The ringleader of this little group of kids, who frankly, should be set on fire, and then executed. I don't care if they are kids, I don't care if it's one of the few that didn't "actively" attack the young man. I DO NOT CARE. If they were there, and they failed to stop it.. they are responsible. And 2 of them laughed???? Seriously??? Where the hell is a firing squad when you need it??? And their parents? Well given that this group had ALL been in police contact prior to this incident, why were the kids ANYWHERE but their own home? Because their parents are lazy, and completely good for NOTHING. Someone needs to just purge them from this earth. Sadly, nothing will be done to these kids that will come even CLOSE to the pain that the burn victim will suffer.
When are you idiot parents going to get a friggin CLUE that YOU are the problem? Don't whine about your out of control teen. Your teen is pulling this shit because YOU screwed up. I am a firm believer that it's a rare thing to have a bad kid, without bad parents.
You and your children are a danger to the rest of us, who are busting our ASSES to teach OUR children to be better people. Frankly, I think you AND your kids are GREAT poster children for Retroactive Abortion.
Damn shame our liberal minded morons, AKA the ACLU, will make sure these little fucks are rewarded for their bad behavior. Prisoner rights... yeah, cuz it's not bad enough that they took someone else's rights.
Oh, and if you are going to talk to me about their own problems, save your breath. I don't care if Dad beat them, or Mom didn't love them enough. MY THREE YEAR OLD knows it's wrong. I'll be DAMNED if they don't.
I move that life in prison is a picnic compared to what they SHOULD have..not this charge them as kids, 15 yrs max bullshit.
I'm going to start with those parents that insist on "Positive Parenting".
You know, I was young when this "trend" hit. I was not however, young enough to be a victim of it, and frankly, I am soooooo grateful for that.
For the past 20 years now, I've watched the world around me grow up. I've also watched my 3 sons grow up as well. I've been vilified for being "overprotective", "out of touch", "permissive", "strict", and a host of other terms. However, the one thing my kids have consistently known is that I AM strict. And I will also whoop their asses if they get out of line.
I was told by an MP in Germany, when I spanked my 2 yr old son, that I was not allowed to do that on the military post. I looked him in the face and said, "I'll tell ya what. I can do this to him now, or you can have him in your lockup in 10 years. Which will it be?" That MP knew what cops and such know all over the world. Parents who do NOT discipline their children, are raising the next generation of cons. Did I insult you? If so, you probably need to read this more than anyone else, and probably won't get a damn thing from it. You've already probably spent your parenting time living in a place called DENIAL.
My mom may have whooped my ass, but let me tell you, I'm far better off mentally, emotionally and most importantly, in terms of accepting responsibility
for my own actions, than those children of PP's.
You Seriously think that raising children without "negatives" helps them??? Are you high or just stupid? Have YOU ever met a boss who said, "You know what, Marcy, it's okay that you dumped that million dollar client.. I know you are trying really hard!" If so, I can promise, he won't be in business long.
Let's look at REALITY.
I grew up in a rough place. Gangs, drugs, all of it, surrounded me. As bad as we were, and yes, I was bad, NONE of us would have EVER done what was just done to a young man in Florida. 4 15 year olds, and one 13 yr old, set another 15 yr old on FIRE over a video game. If you have the stomach to just READ THE STORY, here it is: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091015/ap_on_re_us/us_teen_set_on_fire
My bet? You won't have the stomach for it, but I have NO sympathy, THAT young man has to LIVE it!
Were the parents of those little monsters PP's??? Probably not. That's where another catagory of blind parents comes into this.
The ones who 1.) don't care what their kids are doing, 2.) would rather be friends with their kids than parent them, and 3.) those friggin morons that love the phrase, "Not MY child!" If that word has come out of your mouth, I'm going to bet there is an almost 100% chance that you are a flaming, fuckin, idiot. Simple as that.
If you are one of the parents that fall into that catagory, do us ALL a favor. GET FIXED! Your BRATS are a danger to society. Guess who is responsible??? YOU.
Read that article above, you'll find an idiot alright. His name is Dennis Bent, father of Matthew Bent. The ringleader of this little group of kids, who frankly, should be set on fire, and then executed. I don't care if they are kids, I don't care if it's one of the few that didn't "actively" attack the young man. I DO NOT CARE. If they were there, and they failed to stop it.. they are responsible. And 2 of them laughed???? Seriously??? Where the hell is a firing squad when you need it??? And their parents? Well given that this group had ALL been in police contact prior to this incident, why were the kids ANYWHERE but their own home? Because their parents are lazy, and completely good for NOTHING. Someone needs to just purge them from this earth. Sadly, nothing will be done to these kids that will come even CLOSE to the pain that the burn victim will suffer.
When are you idiot parents going to get a friggin CLUE that YOU are the problem? Don't whine about your out of control teen. Your teen is pulling this shit because YOU screwed up. I am a firm believer that it's a rare thing to have a bad kid, without bad parents.
You and your children are a danger to the rest of us, who are busting our ASSES to teach OUR children to be better people. Frankly, I think you AND your kids are GREAT poster children for Retroactive Abortion.
Damn shame our liberal minded morons, AKA the ACLU, will make sure these little fucks are rewarded for their bad behavior. Prisoner rights... yeah, cuz it's not bad enough that they took someone else's rights.
Oh, and if you are going to talk to me about their own problems, save your breath. I don't care if Dad beat them, or Mom didn't love them enough. MY THREE YEAR OLD knows it's wrong. I'll be DAMNED if they don't.
I move that life in prison is a picnic compared to what they SHOULD have..not this charge them as kids, 15 yrs max bullshit.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Becky Who?
Becky Who? And what the hell is she doing here?
Those questions, and more, answered..
I'm 35 now, and I've had 3 children, all boys, ranging in age from 16 to almost 3, with a 12 year old in the middle. My oldest is a student at Vaca High now. Which of course, makes me feel old as dirt. :)
I've been married and divorced, and I am currently enthralled with the love of my life. :)
I've lived in Europe, Texas, Georgia, and afterward came home to go to college, where I studied communications and psychology. I am two classes short of my degree, hopefully that will be fixed within a year.
I'm currently a stay home mom as I am physically disabled, but I am VERY blessed in the life God has given me. I'm blessed to have found a man that can accept me 100% at face value, good and bad, and he loves me as much as I love him. Which he always makes abundantly clear. :) While I would never have chosen to have health issues, it's really given me a much different perspective in life, and I do NOT regret it, nor do I say "Why me?". I know the true answer is "Why not?".
I know I was judgmental as a kid (I think most are to some extent), and for anyone I ever hurt, with anything, I apologize. Truly, and sincerely. I live a life where my only rule for myself is to NEVER intentionally hurt another person. I' try to be as close to non-judgmental as a person can be, as an adult. I truly live a life of "not my business" as long as it does not hurt someone. Because I am a devout believer in it, I practice introspection alot. I believe that the only person who can make me better is me, and therefore, I strive to meet my own expectations before I expect others to. Because of that introspection, I'm a very forgiving person, as long as you don't harm my loved ones. I learned at a young age.. life can be gone, more quickly than we ever realize, and it really IS important what we leave behind. Not money, or homes or cars, but the lives of others, that we've touched. I'm the one all my girlfriends know they can call at any hour, who always listens, and usually gives good advice if asked for it. I'm no suzie sunshine though either! lol I am sarcastic, witty, and quick to laugh. I love to entertain others, and I love to be entertained. My chronic pain doctor got a good laugh at me the other day, and she said "Becky, you always seem so cheerful, why?" I gave her the only answer I have. Tears and laughter are closely linked. And while I cannot always control it, I feel the laughter is more healing. The laughter allows us to use the best in ourselves, still see the worst, and work towards change. It allows us to be responsible for ourselves, and at the same time to apologize when we've wronged someone. It's truly a choice to decide to live from the glass half full or the glass half empty perspective. While I can't always be cheerful, I make it my goal, on a daily basis.
I'm hoping to reconnect with old friends, or make new ones. Life, as it always seems to do, has changed for me considerably this past few years, and I have reached a point, where as a SAHM, I am missing out on the social life of seeing adults on a daily basis, or even just talking to them. I dearly love my boys, and my eldest is one of my favorite people, but nothing replaces the value of a best girlfriend.:)
I am very much, what you see is what you get. I'm down to earth, it's almost impossible to offend me, and I have a seriously bawdy sense of humor:) I'm very secure in myself, and in my relationships. Because of that, I'm not competitive, nor am I likely to ever be. I'm loyal to a fault. (I'm the one most likely to help bury the bodies... lol) which sometimes jumps up to bite me in the ass. I look forward to getting older, and the knowledge it brings.. (yep, no melt down on my 35th:)
In spite of my disability, I try to stay busy:) I am learning to quilt, so that I can help my mother finish the quilts that my grandmother left unfinished, when she passed away in February. I love to create jewelry, it's something that I always look forward to. I also scrapbook. My kids were the reason I started, and I've recently begun doing them for other people, for a profit. (Okay, they pay me, but there is no profit involved! lol, I basically pay for materials! hehe). We recently rented a house, and I have a garden now! We are growing watermelons, strawberries, tomatoes, brussel sprouts, squash, artichokes, and much more, to include over 30 varieties of flowers. :) The baby and I spend alot of time watering, which he's getting very good at! I also can/jar alot. My favorite thing right now is to make our own mild hot pepper jam. I make at least 8 pint jars at a time, and we go through it in like a month! This summer, I will be doing apricot pineapple, strawberry, and who knows what else??!!??:)
We are also looking foward to summer, and family bbq's! The baby's dad and stepmom are a couple of our closest friends (unlikely though it was, email me if you want the story!lol) and they bring her children over. We send all the big kids out back, and put them in charge of the baby, and everyone seems to have an amazing time, since almost all the big kids are teens. Mattie is kind of like an only child, due to his age.
I also have helped to raise 4 teenage girls, who for various reasons, have needed me at some point in their teens. Almost all of them are adults now, and I am SO proud of the young women they have become, and so honored that they choose to keep me in their lives. My personal, if-I-ever-win-the-Lotto, kind of dream, would be to finish my degree, and then open a center/foundation, to help displaced teens. I'd love to buy an apartment complex, to allow for temporary housing, to help them get on their feet. I personally feel that our nation's determination to help other countries instead of our own, is sad. There are so many young teen moms who need someone to help them get started, and young men who've just not been able to find their way, and when there are no programs of quality to help, it's not surprising they turn to violence and drugs so often.
I would also like to lobby to change welfare legislation, to make the system more effective.. well, at ALL effective. I have alot of dreams.. hopefully, medicine will advance, and someday, I can meet my dreams with equal energy!:)
I welcome you to contact me, I've got the Y messenger and go by mystica97 also with the Y dot com.
In the meantime, Take care, tell your loved ones what they mean to you, and live a good life!!
-Becky
--One Hundred Years from now
(excerpt from "Within My Power" by Forest Witcraft)
One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter
what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
how much money was in my bank account
nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place because
I was important in the life of a child.
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Those questions, and more, answered..
I'm 35 now, and I've had 3 children, all boys, ranging in age from 16 to almost 3, with a 12 year old in the middle. My oldest is a student at Vaca High now. Which of course, makes me feel old as dirt. :)
I've been married and divorced, and I am currently enthralled with the love of my life. :)
I've lived in Europe, Texas, Georgia, and afterward came home to go to college, where I studied communications and psychology. I am two classes short of my degree, hopefully that will be fixed within a year.
I'm currently a stay home mom as I am physically disabled, but I am VERY blessed in the life God has given me. I'm blessed to have found a man that can accept me 100% at face value, good and bad, and he loves me as much as I love him. Which he always makes abundantly clear. :) While I would never have chosen to have health issues, it's really given me a much different perspective in life, and I do NOT regret it, nor do I say "Why me?". I know the true answer is "Why not?".
I know I was judgmental as a kid (I think most are to some extent), and for anyone I ever hurt, with anything, I apologize. Truly, and sincerely. I live a life where my only rule for myself is to NEVER intentionally hurt another person. I' try to be as close to non-judgmental as a person can be, as an adult. I truly live a life of "not my business" as long as it does not hurt someone. Because I am a devout believer in it, I practice introspection alot. I believe that the only person who can make me better is me, and therefore, I strive to meet my own expectations before I expect others to. Because of that introspection, I'm a very forgiving person, as long as you don't harm my loved ones. I learned at a young age.. life can be gone, more quickly than we ever realize, and it really IS important what we leave behind. Not money, or homes or cars, but the lives of others, that we've touched. I'm the one all my girlfriends know they can call at any hour, who always listens, and usually gives good advice if asked for it. I'm no suzie sunshine though either! lol I am sarcastic, witty, and quick to laugh. I love to entertain others, and I love to be entertained. My chronic pain doctor got a good laugh at me the other day, and she said "Becky, you always seem so cheerful, why?" I gave her the only answer I have. Tears and laughter are closely linked. And while I cannot always control it, I feel the laughter is more healing. The laughter allows us to use the best in ourselves, still see the worst, and work towards change. It allows us to be responsible for ourselves, and at the same time to apologize when we've wronged someone. It's truly a choice to decide to live from the glass half full or the glass half empty perspective. While I can't always be cheerful, I make it my goal, on a daily basis.
I'm hoping to reconnect with old friends, or make new ones. Life, as it always seems to do, has changed for me considerably this past few years, and I have reached a point, where as a SAHM, I am missing out on the social life of seeing adults on a daily basis, or even just talking to them. I dearly love my boys, and my eldest is one of my favorite people, but nothing replaces the value of a best girlfriend.:)
I am very much, what you see is what you get. I'm down to earth, it's almost impossible to offend me, and I have a seriously bawdy sense of humor:) I'm very secure in myself, and in my relationships. Because of that, I'm not competitive, nor am I likely to ever be. I'm loyal to a fault. (I'm the one most likely to help bury the bodies... lol) which sometimes jumps up to bite me in the ass. I look forward to getting older, and the knowledge it brings.. (yep, no melt down on my 35th:)
In spite of my disability, I try to stay busy:) I am learning to quilt, so that I can help my mother finish the quilts that my grandmother left unfinished, when she passed away in February. I love to create jewelry, it's something that I always look forward to. I also scrapbook. My kids were the reason I started, and I've recently begun doing them for other people, for a profit. (Okay, they pay me, but there is no profit involved! lol, I basically pay for materials! hehe). We recently rented a house, and I have a garden now! We are growing watermelons, strawberries, tomatoes, brussel sprouts, squash, artichokes, and much more, to include over 30 varieties of flowers. :) The baby and I spend alot of time watering, which he's getting very good at! I also can/jar alot. My favorite thing right now is to make our own mild hot pepper jam. I make at least 8 pint jars at a time, and we go through it in like a month! This summer, I will be doing apricot pineapple, strawberry, and who knows what else??!!??:)
We are also looking foward to summer, and family bbq's! The baby's dad and stepmom are a couple of our closest friends (unlikely though it was, email me if you want the story!lol) and they bring her children over. We send all the big kids out back, and put them in charge of the baby, and everyone seems to have an amazing time, since almost all the big kids are teens. Mattie is kind of like an only child, due to his age.
I also have helped to raise 4 teenage girls, who for various reasons, have needed me at some point in their teens. Almost all of them are adults now, and I am SO proud of the young women they have become, and so honored that they choose to keep me in their lives. My personal, if-I-ever-win-the-Lotto, kind of dream, would be to finish my degree, and then open a center/foundation, to help displaced teens. I'd love to buy an apartment complex, to allow for temporary housing, to help them get on their feet. I personally feel that our nation's determination to help other countries instead of our own, is sad. There are so many young teen moms who need someone to help them get started, and young men who've just not been able to find their way, and when there are no programs of quality to help, it's not surprising they turn to violence and drugs so often.
I would also like to lobby to change welfare legislation, to make the system more effective.. well, at ALL effective. I have alot of dreams.. hopefully, medicine will advance, and someday, I can meet my dreams with equal energy!:)
I welcome you to contact me, I've got the Y messenger and go by mystica97 also with the Y dot com.
In the meantime, Take care, tell your loved ones what they mean to you, and live a good life!!
-Becky
--One Hundred Years from now
(excerpt from "Within My Power" by Forest Witcraft)
One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter
what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
how much money was in my bank account
nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place because
I was important in the life of a child.
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